For The Googles

I've been getting a lot of hits for this image, so here's a little test:

THIS MAN FUCKED A DONKEY.


Bring it on, sexual-starved internets.

I Really Don't Know

...If it's too early to say this, if making these points would politicize a disaster. I'm not a politician, so I'll take a chance.

It's infuriating that our Supreme Court just ruled as it did. It's nothing new that the attitude that prevails in this country is that gun ownership should not be HEAVILY regulated.

Not that crazy ass, stupid murder and violence like this won't take place after severe regulation and restriction of weaponry, but it might stop the looniest of people from doing anything but offing themselves in the future. When was the last time you heard about seven people stabbed in a church?

This happens all the time, and it's no surprise, even this close to home. How terrible.

Churches and schools are supposed to be sanctuaries. And we just let any fucking wackjob who wants to buy a gun do so because of an ad hominem attitude that coalesced around a revolutionary war fought with muskets a thousand years ago.

What sucks the most is that nothing transpiring today nor contemplated in its aftermath is a surprise to anyone at all, and moreover, nothing will change.

But by Golly, if Joe Crazy can shoot the liberals, professors, fags, and atheists, then I can gosh damned darnit buy a daggum gun too!

The Balcony is Closed

This would be sadder news if not for the fact that, due to unfortunate circumstances, Ebert and Roeper has just been Roeper and Other Guy for awhile.

A.O. Scott getting his own show would just be surreal, but if he'd mud wrestle with Manohla each night, I'd watch.

I haven't watched the show very much since Ebert's illness, and have always felt saddened at how over-matched Roeper was since he joined after Siskel's death in '99. I have to admit, though, that the show always had its drawbacks, and I've never enjoyed Ebert's upthrusting/downdangling-appendage-persona as much as his print one. It strikes me that the nuances of his various observations are lost when he's arguing with someone. Truly, I preferred the show to his print reviews only when he was wrong about a movie, and Siskel (or one of Siskel's various replacements pre-Roep-a-dope) was there to fight him.

Love you, Roger, though you never got it right on Fight Club, Crash or almost any Terry Gilliam film. Sorry to see your baby go off the air, in spite of what I just said. Always dreamed I'd be up there arguing with you, but I'll count my blessings you're still writing now.

It was Truffaut who said that he sometimes never even could tell you what a movie was about after the first time he saw it, due to being overwhelmed by the sensory experience of watching it.

I've had a lot of people tell me they think you're awarding too many stars to too many movies lately, and I keep telling them that you're elated to be alive and watching movies in the first place. Right now's the best time I can remember to be covering this beat, and I'm with those who are damn-crazy righteously, heedlessly blinded by their love of the incandescent arts.

To quote (or perhaps paraphrase) you, Roger: "How easily we become accustomed to wonders."

Goddammit, AL!!!

Where were your testes eight years ago? Barack, here's your energy intitiative.

Dammit.

Also, this week in stupid motherfuckers:

I won't have this effluvium on my site, so I'll just leave it to Wonkette to get dirty. As if they didn't live in other people's filth, anyways.

August 4th

The Single:

Whose Boots He's Not Worthy To Lick

In Which Holly Titles it Better:

Edward Norton in Edward Norton as: The Incredible Hulk: The Edward Norton Story, An Edward Norton Production by Edward Norton

The Chronicles of Beleaguered Ed Norton

So, I loved the new Hulk picture. I thought it was almost as good as Iron Man. I had heard that Edward Norton was having a giant meltdown and refusing to promote the movie over creative control/screenplay issues. Apparently you wouldn't like him when he's angry, or moreover, you wouldn't like him when he senses your indifference to his artistic concerns.

I usually don't care at all about diva silliness from people I'll probably never meet or have to put up with, but I saw The Incredible Hulk with Livia. Our first exchange:

Jesse: Nice locations.
Livia: I'm sure we have Edward Norton to thank.
Jesse: 'This gulch won't do. Don't worry, I've found another--better--gulch. (Infuriated) YOU CALL THIS A QUARRY?'.

Oh, it gets even more one-upsy from there:

Me: I've done blow near better tributaries!

Livia: I banged Salma Hayek in a more suitable bog!

Me: Get this fjord outta my sight! Don't you know I directed Keeping the Faith?!!!

Livia: I was nominated for an Oscar in my screen debut, and you present me with this third-rate brook? it needs to BABBLE, motherfucker. Get off my set.

At this point, I'm having little paroxysms.

Livia: William Hurt's hair needs to be MORE silver! It reflects the vein of cold steel running through his soul! Were you born in a fucking barn? LEARN THE SEMANTICS!

Me: I ask for wispy and you bring me fucking Liv Tyler?!! I said Johansson! Dammit!

Livia: Excuse me? Did you just say cut? I was in the fucking MOMENT and you can't wait to stuff a ham sandwhich down your gullet? Norton have final cut. NORTON CUT!!!

Me: Somebody get Tim Blake Nelson a bib. He's getting MY scenery all over his clothes.

Livia: I can hear his voice.

Me: That's what makes it art.

What Pretty Skin

Coulda been a SNL skit before, but now it's real.

Lefty

More McCain bashing for the day, from the big talking Olbermann Orb.

Again, With the Progress

For all you Queers for McCain out there, check out your loving candidate!

More and More I'm in Favor of Making English the National Language

I'm constantly amazed at the extent to which a large number of people avoid progress.

To wit.

Also, "Polen"

...Really?