...The Youngling

I finally caught Darabont's Mist.

I'm having a very hard time with this one. It's the scariest movie I've seen in a long time. Really, it's horrifying. It's a Stephen King adaptation that works, which is certainly unusual, if you check the track record. The character actors are all character-actoring the hell out of it. I excuse the idiot characters and the over-the-top culty evangelist Marcia Gay Harden character, precisely because they both act and sound Stephen King pitch-perfect. Darabont gets Stephen King. He caresses all the Kingy details, even though it's the clunkiest first fifteen minutes of a movie ever.

Darabont is also a crazed, cruel-ass arbitrary motherfucking sadistic Freddy Krueger of a WTF?!!! movie-ending audience punishing bald bitch.

That's all I have to say about that.

Addendum: Actually, no, it's not. I had a chance to see this in its intended black and white version, and judging by my memory of certain shots I've seen of it in color, that choice enhances the experience in many subtle ways. See it that way, it really works.

Hosting Olbermann

Yeah. Whatevs, He can hang out here whenever he wants.

As Portrayed by Leslie Nielson

In Which

Roger Ebert uses evolutionary theory to encourage 3-D to go fuck itself.

That goes for you too, FAT GEORGE, with your plans of releasing all six in FAT-D, where everything FATS itself right off the screen. FAT.

...or Do Anything Else...

OMG Now I Want To Be Olbermanned

...So long as he cuts the Good Night and Good Luck affectation. Forever.

Ahem.

This is just for that first part about Hannity and Limbaugh.

Swift Boat This

If the Republicans need the Swift Boat creep to win....Well.... in a good world, that would be enough to prove that they need to be fired.

As it is, 1)Obama being a Muslim or connected to Muslims wouldn't stop me from voting for him in the first place, and 2)

In exploring Mr. Obama’s denials that he had been present for the more incendiary sermons of his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., Mr. Corsi cites a report on the conservative Web site NewsMax.com that Mr. Obama had attended a sermon on July 22, 2007, in which Mr. Wright blamed “the ‘white arrogance’ of America’s Caucasian majority for the world’s suffering, especially the oppression of blacks.”

Click on the above article and you'll see the lie of Obama's attendance at that sermon cleared up.

But, actually, I dunno if it's America's Caucasian majority and that alone that's responsible for all the world's suffering, but I'm not sure you can dispute that last part, there. At least here.

And you, Hillary supporters:

1)The gays: I'm throwin' you back to Hillary. I don't take sloppy seconds, genderqueers. Also, what was her vocal platform for us, again? I can't remember her supporting us in a full or deep throated fashion.

2)The women: No one could blame you for your fervor, but if you're willing to sacrifice a crucial election to conservatives simply to achieve your own empowerment, you deserve not the actual feminist candidate you will probably get thanks to Hillary's historic bid.

Love Games

You know, I expected much worse than hits from Newcastle Upon Tyne from the last post. General Chang has apparently possessed the minds of peoples the world over.

In the spirit of making things even more inscrutable, as well as insuring that my website doesn't just languish as that donkey-fucking blog:



This is my most favorite mashup, lately.

For The Googles

I've been getting a lot of hits for this image, so here's a little test:

THIS MAN FUCKED A DONKEY.


Bring it on, sexual-starved internets.

I Really Don't Know

...If it's too early to say this, if making these points would politicize a disaster. I'm not a politician, so I'll take a chance.

It's infuriating that our Supreme Court just ruled as it did. It's nothing new that the attitude that prevails in this country is that gun ownership should not be HEAVILY regulated.

Not that crazy ass, stupid murder and violence like this won't take place after severe regulation and restriction of weaponry, but it might stop the looniest of people from doing anything but offing themselves in the future. When was the last time you heard about seven people stabbed in a church?

This happens all the time, and it's no surprise, even this close to home. How terrible.

Churches and schools are supposed to be sanctuaries. And we just let any fucking wackjob who wants to buy a gun do so because of an ad hominem attitude that coalesced around a revolutionary war fought with muskets a thousand years ago.

What sucks the most is that nothing transpiring today nor contemplated in its aftermath is a surprise to anyone at all, and moreover, nothing will change.

But by Golly, if Joe Crazy can shoot the liberals, professors, fags, and atheists, then I can gosh damned darnit buy a daggum gun too!

The Balcony is Closed

This would be sadder news if not for the fact that, due to unfortunate circumstances, Ebert and Roeper has just been Roeper and Other Guy for awhile.

A.O. Scott getting his own show would just be surreal, but if he'd mud wrestle with Manohla each night, I'd watch.

I haven't watched the show very much since Ebert's illness, and have always felt saddened at how over-matched Roeper was since he joined after Siskel's death in '99. I have to admit, though, that the show always had its drawbacks, and I've never enjoyed Ebert's upthrusting/downdangling-appendage-persona as much as his print one. It strikes me that the nuances of his various observations are lost when he's arguing with someone. Truly, I preferred the show to his print reviews only when he was wrong about a movie, and Siskel (or one of Siskel's various replacements pre-Roep-a-dope) was there to fight him.

Love you, Roger, though you never got it right on Fight Club, Crash or almost any Terry Gilliam film. Sorry to see your baby go off the air, in spite of what I just said. Always dreamed I'd be up there arguing with you, but I'll count my blessings you're still writing now.

It was Truffaut who said that he sometimes never even could tell you what a movie was about after the first time he saw it, due to being overwhelmed by the sensory experience of watching it.

I've had a lot of people tell me they think you're awarding too many stars to too many movies lately, and I keep telling them that you're elated to be alive and watching movies in the first place. Right now's the best time I can remember to be covering this beat, and I'm with those who are damn-crazy righteously, heedlessly blinded by their love of the incandescent arts.

To quote (or perhaps paraphrase) you, Roger: "How easily we become accustomed to wonders."

Goddammit, AL!!!

Where were your testes eight years ago? Barack, here's your energy intitiative.

Dammit.

Also, this week in stupid motherfuckers:

I won't have this effluvium on my site, so I'll just leave it to Wonkette to get dirty. As if they didn't live in other people's filth, anyways.

August 4th

The Single:

Whose Boots He's Not Worthy To Lick

In Which Holly Titles it Better:

Edward Norton in Edward Norton as: The Incredible Hulk: The Edward Norton Story, An Edward Norton Production by Edward Norton

The Chronicles of Beleaguered Ed Norton

So, I loved the new Hulk picture. I thought it was almost as good as Iron Man. I had heard that Edward Norton was having a giant meltdown and refusing to promote the movie over creative control/screenplay issues. Apparently you wouldn't like him when he's angry, or moreover, you wouldn't like him when he senses your indifference to his artistic concerns.

I usually don't care at all about diva silliness from people I'll probably never meet or have to put up with, but I saw The Incredible Hulk with Livia. Our first exchange:

Jesse: Nice locations.
Livia: I'm sure we have Edward Norton to thank.
Jesse: 'This gulch won't do. Don't worry, I've found another--better--gulch. (Infuriated) YOU CALL THIS A QUARRY?'.

Oh, it gets even more one-upsy from there:

Me: I've done blow near better tributaries!

Livia: I banged Salma Hayek in a more suitable bog!

Me: Get this fjord outta my sight! Don't you know I directed Keeping the Faith?!!!

Livia: I was nominated for an Oscar in my screen debut, and you present me with this third-rate brook? it needs to BABBLE, motherfucker. Get off my set.

At this point, I'm having little paroxysms.

Livia: William Hurt's hair needs to be MORE silver! It reflects the vein of cold steel running through his soul! Were you born in a fucking barn? LEARN THE SEMANTICS!

Me: I ask for wispy and you bring me fucking Liv Tyler?!! I said Johansson! Dammit!

Livia: Excuse me? Did you just say cut? I was in the fucking MOMENT and you can't wait to stuff a ham sandwhich down your gullet? Norton have final cut. NORTON CUT!!!

Me: Somebody get Tim Blake Nelson a bib. He's getting MY scenery all over his clothes.

Livia: I can hear his voice.

Me: That's what makes it art.

What Pretty Skin

Coulda been a SNL skit before, but now it's real.

Lefty

More McCain bashing for the day, from the big talking Olbermann Orb.

Again, With the Progress

For all you Queers for McCain out there, check out your loving candidate!

More and More I'm in Favor of Making English the National Language

I'm constantly amazed at the extent to which a large number of people avoid progress.

To wit.

Also, "Polen"

...Really?