....and Release

Pirates review right there, not on the main page, to respect those whom haven't seen it yet.

How many events are there this summer? Yes, I mean cinematically. What else is the tympani room for?

Anyway, we've had a lachrymose, emo Spidey, I haven't yet seen the zombies, and the previews before the new Pirates movie tonight reminded me that there's more big name product being peddled around in consecutive order this time than I can ever remember. I'm psyched about Ocean's 13 (and I will hear none of that guff about why I shouldn't be; Soderbergh's out Godard-ing Godard, and he's doing so right under the noses of so many critics)

Dude! They made a Simpsons movie. Sold.

Live Free or Die Hard had me at its title.

And I will grudgingly see the Transformers movie, if only because, no matter how much I hate the new designs, I heard the transform sound in the trailer, and they got me with that hard rock I haven't tasted since grade-school (who am I kidding?).

But, seriously, though, and you know me, I bloviate a serious fo-shizzle 'round these parts:
Does it seem like the more fucked up things get out there, the more Hollywood has the most absolute, mind-sifting escapism back-to-back-to-back for us in the queue?

I mean, this summer is defined by big, loud, uber-violent, utterly unlikely, and totally set-piece driven fare, more I think, than we've seen before. Not like we haven't been heading this way, but still, to get bigger has been the ultimate goal, if this is any indication. How can there be a winner, and how is it all to be sorted out for world-wide audiences?

On a technical level, the contenders are fierce. Massive. They're intimidating. They'll pummel you right into your seats and two things will be solved for you:

One: You won't be allowed to imagine any facet of the film in question for yourself. Frankly, the film's budget makes your imaginination look bankrupt anyway.

Two: It just ain't gonna matter much, all said and done. By the end, most of you kids will think that this is all a movie is. We've got you young, and we're taking you with us from here on in.

MMM: Awesome, I Fuckin' Shot That, Extras, Daguerréotypes, The Gospel According to St. Matthew

El Libro de Smarty Pantalones: The Plot Against America - Roth

Muzak: See My Charts Down Thar

No Fucking. Only Fuck Once. A Little.

The Ongoing Pussification of American Culture

Uh-huh.

Sure. Go ahead. Great idea.

Retroactively, that would make Casablanca a good hard R. Not to mention that Good Night and Good Luck would become Youth Restricted Viewing at Blockbusters in SoftandMalleable, Nebraska and TieyourShoesforYou, California.

Plus, you'll only be able to find copies of Coffee and Cigarettes off this continent and people will still start smoking early anyway, here, there and everywhere.

One last plus, Demolition Man becomes a PG-13 and is slowly reconsidered to be a prophetic masterwork.

Addendum: The quote in the linked article is attributed to that guiding light of western redemption, decency, and morality, Joe Eszterhas. He also wrote Showgirls.

And finally, I know it's an evil industry. I don't dispute that. Unfortunately, we either outlaw cigarettes entirely, or we simply, at long last, quit our nagging and our overprotective whining over it. Don't want someone you know to die from cigarettes? Me neither. But we make our own beds.

Epistomawhonow?

From the NYTimes this morning:

"The covers of the glossy magazines cluttering newsstands are divided between Nicolas Sarkozy, the newly elected president, and Cannes, and it is not always clear which — affairs of state or affairs of cinema — are more important."

....Am..am I French?

Jerry Falwell 1934-2007

To steal (for a good cause) from Tony Kushner:

Jerry: What's it like? After?

Belize: After...?

Jerry: This misery ends?

Belize:...everyone in Balenciaga gowns with red corsages, and big dance palaces full of music and lights and racial impurity and gender confusion. And all the deities are creole, mulatto, brown as the mouths of rivers. Race, taste and history finally overcome. And you ain't there.

Jerry: And Heaven?

Belize: That was Heaven, Jerry.

Plankton Plankton Plankton

I wish things were that maniacal, but in plain fact it's just Spanish Spanish Spanish right now. In other news, I've become addicted to a rare movie site and am currently squandering my future by glueing myself to it at every turn (and this is precisely the point at which I should be studying Preterite vs. the Imperfect: the Imperfecting). This could get ugly. Oh boy. This could get very very sexyugly. Chimes at Midnight people, fer chrissakes Chimes at Midnight! Berlin Alexanderplatz!

If you need me, I'll be in the sacristy. Delicious delicious delicious.

Frumious: Great Expectations

Bander: Riget II, Rome

Snatch: The Road - McCarthy

Thunder

For all who've gone a ponderin' my online reticence since I met-cute with the sweet yonder-years of decade number three, being those few I haven't conversed with very directly or at all, well, this'll cease that particular ponder:

Mom got Granny into the hospital two weeks ago, and on Tuesday she was transferred to UT Medical Center to receive the services of a doctor who could perform a stint on an artery leading to her stomach.

The second procedure (after a failed Wednesday attempt) was performed just five and half hours ago, and was a decided success. We're in a good place now. She'll be monitored as she digests food(without pain) and gets her circulation in check, and for now it seems the hard part's over. Thanks to this, she's avoided bypass surgery, or at least made the possibility of going through that less frightening. She'll be home soon.

There's just too much lightning and nicotine, compounded with the kinetic energy of a Mynatt/Francis firing through that woman, for her to be kept down. We saw her in the ICU and she was just beaming. Wanted to dance a tarantella and cook a pot roast, concurrently or consecutively (some of this is her words).

We're all heaving relief sighs and thanking our luck (like this is new) we've got that very same DNA.

And it's summer time in the Shire. Far as I'm concerned.