....and Release

Pirates review right there, not on the main page, to respect those whom haven't seen it yet.

How many events are there this summer? Yes, I mean cinematically. What else is the tympani room for?

Anyway, we've had a lachrymose, emo Spidey, I haven't yet seen the zombies, and the previews before the new Pirates movie tonight reminded me that there's more big name product being peddled around in consecutive order this time than I can ever remember. I'm psyched about Ocean's 13 (and I will hear none of that guff about why I shouldn't be; Soderbergh's out Godard-ing Godard, and he's doing so right under the noses of so many critics)

Dude! They made a Simpsons movie. Sold.

Live Free or Die Hard had me at its title.

And I will grudgingly see the Transformers movie, if only because, no matter how much I hate the new designs, I heard the transform sound in the trailer, and they got me with that hard rock I haven't tasted since grade-school (who am I kidding?).

But, seriously, though, and you know me, I bloviate a serious fo-shizzle 'round these parts:
Does it seem like the more fucked up things get out there, the more Hollywood has the most absolute, mind-sifting escapism back-to-back-to-back for us in the queue?

I mean, this summer is defined by big, loud, uber-violent, utterly unlikely, and totally set-piece driven fare, more I think, than we've seen before. Not like we haven't been heading this way, but still, to get bigger has been the ultimate goal, if this is any indication. How can there be a winner, and how is it all to be sorted out for world-wide audiences?

On a technical level, the contenders are fierce. Massive. They're intimidating. They'll pummel you right into your seats and two things will be solved for you:

One: You won't be allowed to imagine any facet of the film in question for yourself. Frankly, the film's budget makes your imaginination look bankrupt anyway.

Two: It just ain't gonna matter much, all said and done. By the end, most of you kids will think that this is all a movie is. We've got you young, and we're taking you with us from here on in.

MMM: Awesome, I Fuckin' Shot That, Extras, Daguerréotypes, The Gospel According to St. Matthew

El Libro de Smarty Pantalones: The Plot Against America - Roth

Muzak: See My Charts Down Thar