Obligatory Oscar Prognosticatin'

The Oscars mean something this year, but only because it's this year.

Yeah, it's been an arty year, but everything I've seen's been pretty damn good art, so far. I mean, if it turns people onto seein' stuff from this list that they might otherwise not be compelled to see, then maybe their darkness will be alleviated by some light (or darkened by headier darkness).

Go ahead and give it to Daniel DAY Lewis, please. He's more than just his left foot, in case you didn't know.

Can't speak for the leading women, and haven't seen enough from the littler women.

Javier Bardem got here the same way the coin did, and you'll give 'em up to two real boogeymen if you know what's good for you.

The directing category just made me pee a little. Give it to PTA. No, the Coens! Nuh uh, Jason Reitman, stay out, you're pretty, but they'll EAT YOU UP with their toothy fists.

Cinematography goes to Robert Elswit for There Will Be Blood.

But Atonement could win for its Dunkirk segment alone, whether I want Elswit to win or not. Elswit should win for all his work with PTA, but that Dunkirk scene, on its own, is better than the rest of Atonement and many, many films I've seen. I'm exceedingly torn on that.

The Coens win the Editing award. The Coens WIN THE EDITING AWARD. Do not pull an Emmanuel Lubezki on us this year like you did the last.

Original Song better be the one from Once. Seriously.

All the Best Picture Noms are good. Well, I haven't seen Michael Clayton, but I will pretty soon. I've heard it's good from all the right sources.

Juno? I loved it dearly. It lives up to its Little Miss Sunshine hype the way LMS didn't.

It won't beat No Country or Blood. It can't.

Unfortunately, that's because those two movies are too unconventional, violent and trippy for the Academy, and will be beaten by Atonement, which is also more, you know, Academy than any of the others.

Well, maybe not, but who cares. Great year. Great.

Also, to the Googlers and the Askjeevesers and the Yahoos, if you want to know whether or not Christopher Plummer is gay, go upstairs, because I'm in percussion down here, and can't answer your question. He's probably crying because he didn't get nominated again, so I better not ask.