Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oh, To Live in London

T'would make it possible to be closer to the scene, nearer to this esteemed, old school caner

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Pull My Finger

I'm so sick and tired of hearing that Children of Men supposedly left something out. Do you need every little detail spelled out for you, critics, flaky audience members? I'm not sure it's inherently a flaw to simply emphasize certain details over others. In fact, it's part of the writer's as well as the director's job! If I could get a list of specific dystopian circumstances that the film doesn't cover which would've had some bearing on the momentum of the narrative, then I'll take those criticisms seriously.

Until then, if you want an essay on dystopia viz infertility, mapped out like a damned textbook, then go find/write one yourself. The film may have some inherent flaws, but so does Apocalypse Now.

Is perfection really what you want? Are these same harping malcontents the ones that made 300 a far more successful film? I can only speculate.

P.S. By the way, before you start, I actually quite liked 300 for what it was, but it's earned three times as much as Children of Men, is in possession of far less vision, and is riddled with many, many more inconsistencies, historical bunglings and unfortunate choices.

Semaphore: Wuthering Heights, The Franklin's Tale, The Merchant's Tale

Paraffin Station: Planet Funk

A Tasty Little Dish: The Magic Flute

Monday, March 26, 2007

Also, Before I Sleep

Caught this the other night and thought it was pretty funny. Stick with it 'til the end. It's funnier than you'd think. Just ask Holly

Why Do You Hate Freedom? Land?

Let me count the ways. Starting very, very soon.
I'll backstory this a little:
A while back, I was bedevilled into renting Freedomland by a friend of mine. I've finally acquiesced so as to receive conversation from him that deviates from the "have you seen it yet, oh god it's so terrible" territory.

This better suck.
I've never "live-blogged" an "event" before, but the kids these days seem to love it, and since I'm cranky, this will be sporadically interesting.

In light of recent Joe Roth developments, feel free to interrupt me at ANY TIME. I don't want to give this movie the impression that it's more than a movie loaf. But I pre-judge. Time to find my play button. Hush.

6:42 PM


..... seeing as how Samuel Jackson usually changes his hair pretty dramatically, that this time it's simply grown out into the shape of that hat. I'll let you know if he ever takes it off.

Also, I haven't yet seen a snake.

6:48 PM


Sheer Lunacy

6:57 PM


One edit per syllable. One edit per

6:57 PM



6:59 PM

...well...his partner just called him Big Daddy

7:02 PM



7:05 PM


You son of a bitch, I'll show you fuck me!

Did I get drunk and write a screenplay again?

7:06 PM


At Erin's house? Just sayin'



7:14 PM


Is still there.

7:18 PM


I mean, I know much of what I'm saying here is only for the benefit of myself and those who've seen it, so apologies in advance.

7:21 PM


There goes the hair.

7:39 PM


It adds racial tension, and the bulldog detective work of a veteran police detective. And then it flies to pieces with unmotivated scenes, inexplicable dialogue, and sudden conclusions which may be correct but arrive from nowhere. The film seems edited none too wisely from a longer version that made more sense.

- Roger Ebert

8:59 PM

TNT movies are getting worse. Wait. We don't get TNT

9:07 PM

Joe Roth, Ladies and germs.
I am requesting movie jump up my butt.

9:14 PM


Must be stopped. No matter the cost.

Stop hitting yourself

9:16 PM


9:20 PM


9:26 PM

Julie: I wish I had your heart

Sammy: Huh

Julie: (Claws her way into Sam Jackson's chest)

Chuck: Cover your heart, SAMMY! COVER YOUR HEART!

9:28 PM


9:33 PM

Gone, but not forgotten.

Sorry, but bad movie make me run out of funny. Makes Homer go something, something....except there's a movie called The Reaping coming soon. Once in a while, it's good to see examples of what not to do. But only once in a while.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Oh, Despotic Codswallop

Joe Roth, director of: Freedomland, Xmas with the Cranks, and others.

Julie Taymor: Julie Taymor

This could be worse than the Brazil "Love Conquers All" fiasco of '86.

I will have a review of Freedomland up fairly soon. There will be blood.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Have You Ever Lied?

Ladies and Bastards.....
You saw awhile back how Holly had artfully arranged the disarray of a series of posts at a sports board. I'm cribbing her style, and applying it to IMDB message board posters, those compulsive illiterati, those sultans of prosody. The result is below; I've left everything in its original state (i.e., original spelling, punctuation, vitriol), save for my rearrangement in an attempt at defining the average IMDB messageboard user.

Amazingly, many of them were spelling and making sense more accurately than I could've imagined. Made my job slightly harder. I may have to move on to a breaks board. We all know them fans can't spell.
Our subject for Today's Poetic Endeavour:

Ghost Rider

So, if there was an infinite amount of time before right now, would we have ever
reached this moment in time?
Norbit P/DW $63,092,521
I did think he thought 52 million popsicles.

If I promise to give you a chocolate bar after an infinite amount of time, will I
ever give you the chocolate bar?
Face/Off, Lord of War, City of Angels, Moonstruck & Raising Arizona.
dam things not on the soundtrack

and the fact i drive on those roads almost evry day
did ghost rider jump out of the screen and cock slap you
it boggles my mind how god damn retarded you are,
Vic Mackey is God, Jack Bauer is his angel of death!

bulletproof monk was a comic book? i did not know that
i loved his voice and pointing as well
there is no reason to see this film.

Have you ever lied? That makes you a liar.
they sould ahev got him to change sooner and delelops more of a battle between the
to sides
Needed at least one more scene with Peter Fonda
if only for the fact that i will never feel him inside me...

All 3 things, matter, time, and space, come into existence at the same time.
No, I don't wanna hear that because my sister's a hermaphrodite.
She has a penis.
You basically f#cked a dude.

Nicholas Cage is stronger than me now.
also girls, Just wonderin, I dont hang out alot in public,
Im actually kind of shy,
Im just wonderin if I am at all good looking.
Cute, handsome whatever.

Addendum: I have gone to the trouble of making them less coherent. It's for our benefit, perhaps. Take from this what you will, but I have to post something while I'm on vacation. Cheers

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Take Your Stupid Mask


...What do I do now? I've seen the best parts....