Monday, March 26, 2007

Why Do You Hate Freedom? Land?

Let me count the ways. Starting very, very soon.
I'll backstory this a little:
A while back, I was bedevilled into renting Freedomland by a friend of mine. I've finally acquiesced so as to receive conversation from him that deviates from the "have you seen it yet, oh god it's so terrible" territory.

This better suck.
I've never "live-blogged" an "event" before, but the kids these days seem to love it, and since I'm cranky, this will be sporadically interesting.

In light of recent Joe Roth developments, feel free to interrupt me at ANY TIME. I don't want to give this movie the impression that it's more than a movie loaf. But I pre-judge. Time to find my play button. Hush.

6:42 PM

I'M GOING TO ASSUME

..... seeing as how Samuel Jackson usually changes his hair pretty dramatically, that this time it's simply grown out into the shape of that hat. I'll let you know if he ever takes it off.

Also, I haven't yet seen a snake.


6:48 PM

STOP HITTING YOURSELF

Sheer Lunacy


6:57 PM

JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN EDIT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD

One edit per syllable. One edit per


6:57 PM

MILLISECOND!

Jesus!


6:59 PM

...well...his partner just called him Big Daddy


7:02 PM

HE'S MY SON

You FUCK!


7:05 PM

FUCK ME?

You son of a bitch, I'll show you fuck me!

Did I get drunk and write a screenplay again?


7:06 PM

LIKE, YOU KNOW

At Erin's house? Just sayin'


7:09

YUM




7:14 PM

THAT HAT

Is still there.


7:18 PM

STOP HITTING YOURSELF!

I mean, I know much of what I'm saying here is only for the benefit of myself and those who've seen it, so apologies in advance.


7:21 PM

WELL....

There goes the hair.


7:39 PM

BURN, JOE ROTH. BURN

It adds racial tension, and the bulldog detective work of a veteran police detective. And then it flies to pieces with unmotivated scenes, inexplicable dialogue, and sudden conclusions which may be correct but arrive from nowhere. The film seems edited none too wisely from a longer version that made more sense.

- Roger Ebert


8:59 PM

TNT movies are getting worse. Wait. We don't get TNT


9:07 PM

Joe Roth, Ladies and germs.
I am requesting movie jump up my butt.


9:14 PM

JULIANNE MOORE

Must be stopped. No matter the cost.

Stop hitting yourself


9:16 PM

Gay


9:20 PM

INEXPLICABLE RACE RIOT!


9:26 PM

Julie: I wish I had your heart

Sammy: Huh

Julie: (Claws her way into Sam Jackson's chest)

Chuck: Cover your heart, SAMMY! COVER YOUR HEART!


9:28 PM

Blecch. NO TOUCHING!


9:33 PM

Gone, but not forgotten.

Sorry, but bad movie make me run out of funny. Makes Homer go something, something....except there's a movie called The Reaping coming soon. Once in a while, it's good to see examples of what not to do. But only once in a while.

17 comments:

Rhys said...

SMELL BAAAD!!!

Hand me my script, it's the one that says "bad career choice"

We belive this child may be missing, or a mine.

"We got muthafuckin holes in these muthafuckin plot lines!

Rhys said...

Julianne moore in "how drunk was my toddler"

Rhys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhys said...

9:08 pm est: chuck: "This is why I quit my creative writing clasS"..

"And all I can remember him saying is: If you watch this, you'll be sorry"

Jesse: oh, you said fog? I thought you said "frog", which might make this a better movie"

chuck: "Battletoads?"

Rhys said...

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

Rhys said...

on monday, march 26th, it is proven that a movie's extras can turn on the film itself. either that or this is fredomland's equivalent of a denounment dance number

Rhys said...

this movie is like the angry jesus guy that comes to the uc, it just shows up and shouts at stuff for awhile, then wanders off.

Rhys said...

This movie was the best burrito EVER!

Rhys said...

Julianne moore's acting (in freedomland) can cure cancer. too bad she has never acted (in freedomland).

"I don't know nothin 'bout buryin no babies"

Rhys said...

Finally, we have a cinematic answer to "Oh no you Di'int!"

Rhys said...

I think this movie is Emo, it definitely cut itself.

Rhys said...

as an example of what not to do, do you mean drink an entire bottle of nyquil and then try to direct a movie?

michael persad said...

i promise the suggestion to watch that 'movie' was not an act of terror. i guess i just wanted verification and not hyperbolizing the fact that it's wretched. at least you're lucky. you got to see it with friends at home. and beer. i had to see it with my mom and sister at the movie theater.....sober.

Plaid Avenger said...

Heh. I didn't think of it as an act of terror. It was certainly a funny kind of bad, and I'm glad I didn't pay as much for it as you did.

michael persad said...

and just to let you know that i certainly wasn't trying to single you out, i've been trying to get casey to watch this for months. she's not biting though.

Jesse said...

heh. I'll get in on this, then. She totally should

Rhys said...

Tell her if she watches it, I'll tell her what I actually poured on her head.