Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Contractual Obligation

It's my sworn and signed duty to show my undivided support to the proprietor of this site, Toronto's very own Christopher Plummer.

Wishes-to-be-Sir Plummer was just nominated for a Tony Award for his performance in Inherit the Wind, and, stipulated in no uncertain terms in the fine print of my polish/tune/maintenance of tympanies contract with Mr. Plummer, I must make celebratory mention of it. I earn sub-minimum wage.

The Tympani Room recently spoke with Plummer over the phone, to celebrate his nomination.

Tympani Room: So, congratulations on your nomination. Of course, we're all rooting for you downstairs.

Christopher Plummer: Thank you. Thank you. I thought playing Mike Wallace would do it, but if the Academy won't recognize me, this blasted thing will have to do.

TR: So, what do you regret more, your lack of Oscars after all of these years, your otherwise paltry award set, or the fact of your Canadian faux Knighthood? I mean, Companion of the Order of Canada just doesn't ring like 'Sir' does it?

CP: ...I'm sorry, just who the hell are you, again? Don't I pay you for something?

TR: Yes, I'm in percussion. So, you don't in fact wish you were actually British? And not some faker?

CP: Sonny, I am Great Britain. I'm the greatest Shakespearean actor of my generation!

TR: Fine, Mr. Von Trapp, but are we going to make it out of Austria tonight or what?

CP: QUIET, YOU! CONFOUNDED ROBERT WISE! The New York Times has said that I milk every inch of tension out of the dichotomy of my Atheism/Faith/Suspender straps. And I've won a slew of Emmies. If you knew the importance of your job, by the way, you would know that the Tympanist is the King of his own Province, and plies his trade on the calfskin from parabolic bowl to the mighty hemispheric! We tune slowly and own the entire orchestra--

TR: --I'm sorry, are you just reading from a Wikipedia article?

CP: End of interview. *Click*

TR: Oh. Ok, I'll just lock up for tonight. Vanity percussion rooms are a real chore to maintain. We'll have our fingers crossed for you down here!


The Earthtopus said...

Oh, I get it! Shakespeare is so universal even the Klingons think he was their bard!

Ha ha ha!

Plaid Avenger said...

Hey man, I don't know what you're thinkin', but I put up this pic because I love Star Trek 6 and everything it stands for! Especially all of the floating blood. Love that blood.