Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Dear, Sweet, Sinus-Pressure Inducing Thunderstorm...

Just get fuckin' already.

Yes, you're beautiful. Yes, we've missed you.

Monday, June 25, 2007

*Heart Glow* *Forest Rustle*

Jiminy Jillickers, he did an Answerman column!.

Not to mention this.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Are You in Possession of a Circulatory System?

Then you needs to put into it an Icky Thump


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Small World Pimpin'

A wee gmail chat between myself and Jef V. Johnson:

Me: Brace yourself, for Marshall Miller has moved to Baltimore.

Jef: You've got to be fucking kidding me.

And though I've heard the town is miserable to drive in, I'm going to have to make my way up there, seeing how I'll have three stops to make.

Rolling the dice to see if I'm getting drunk, in a completely unrelated boondoggle (or would be boondoggle were it actually my doing), I received an email from Battle.net/Blizzard Entertainment claiming that my email address was used to sign up for what must've been a World of Warcraft account. Though it's possible, it bein' gmail and all, that somebody of the same name (and far more spare time) possessing the same email address, has signed on for it, I can't help but wonder if there's somebody familiar behind this.

There was a free-trial upgrade to the new Geekier and More Life-Consuming version in the mail last week, so...

In the corner of my ear, I just heard Felicity Huffman spout the phrase "he's wearing tiny acetate man-panties", and away I go.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Frank Langella's Hide Will Spake Zarathustra Thusly in My Basement...

Got your message this morning in my inbox.

Better luck next year, Plummy. We were really rootin' for you down here.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Would That I Were Paid To Write Daily Panegyrics Deux: Dead Heat in a Zeppelin Race

In all seriousness, I love Christopher Plummer. Just so there're no doubts on that one.

More importing from The Darkness today, right'cheer.

This one's a little coming-home present for Sojourner Booth, and serves to commemorate the time when she said, "Hey, you're gay, now it's ok for you to look at my rack (it was ok before)."

And then I joined with: "Hey, now that I'm gay, I can write a praise-filled piece on my blog about them boobs!"

And then, as with the Sestina, it was all over but the doin' because she held me to that promise.

Sticky Flicky: Lawrence of Arabia, The Weather Man

Who's Wave? Tip's Wave: Tip Hop - Tipper

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Contractual Obligation

It's my sworn and signed duty to show my undivided support to the proprietor of this site, Toronto's very own Christopher Plummer.

Wishes-to-be-Sir Plummer was just nominated for a Tony Award for his performance in Inherit the Wind, and, stipulated in no uncertain terms in the fine print of my polish/tune/maintenance of tympanies contract with Mr. Plummer, I must make celebratory mention of it. I earn sub-minimum wage.

The Tympani Room recently spoke with Plummer over the phone, to celebrate his nomination.

Tympani Room: So, congratulations on your nomination. Of course, we're all rooting for you downstairs.

Christopher Plummer: Thank you. Thank you. I thought playing Mike Wallace would do it, but if the Academy won't recognize me, this blasted thing will have to do.

TR: So, what do you regret more, your lack of Oscars after all of these years, your otherwise paltry award set, or the fact of your Canadian faux Knighthood? I mean, Companion of the Order of Canada just doesn't ring like 'Sir' does it?

CP: ...I'm sorry, just who the hell are you, again? Don't I pay you for something?

TR: Yes, I'm in percussion. So, you don't in fact wish you were actually British? And not some faker?

CP: Sonny, I am Great Britain. I'm the greatest Shakespearean actor of my generation!

TR: Fine, Mr. Von Trapp, but are we going to make it out of Austria tonight or what?

CP: QUIET, YOU! CONFOUNDED ROBERT WISE! The New York Times has said that I milk every inch of tension out of the dichotomy of my Atheism/Faith/Suspender straps. And I've won a slew of Emmies. If you knew the importance of your job, by the way, you would know that the Tympanist is the King of his own Province, and plies his trade on the calfskin from parabolic bowl to the mighty hemispheric! We tune slowly and own the entire orchestra--

TR: --I'm sorry, are you just reading from a Wikipedia article?

CP: End of interview. *Click*

TR: Oh. Ok, I'll just lock up for tonight. Vanity percussion rooms are a real chore to maintain. We'll have our fingers crossed for you down here!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

You're a Buns-hole


Take that, F.C.C. A few things:

The Court: “In recent times even the top leaders of our government have used variants of these expletives in a manner that no reasonable person would believe referenced sexual or excretory organs or activities.”

According to the F.C.C. Chairman, if the Commission is unable to curtail profanities as they see fit, then "Hollywood will be able to say anything they want, whenever they want.”

Yes. Yes they will.

Here's my question: Will they be allowed to smoke while doing so?